That Idiotic Sexy Transformation Jutsu
by The Raven and the Fox
Summary: Naruto's always been bi, and Sasuke can't help noticing his boyfriend's eyes have lingered more than once on hourglass figures in the street. But is he prepared to face the consequences of his solution?


**Title: **That Idiotic Sexy Transformation Jutsu

**Summary: **Naruto's always been bi, and Sasuke can't help noticing his boyfriend's eyes have lingered more than once on hourglass figures in the street. But is he prepared to face the consequences of his solution?

**Contains:** swearing, some violence, implied sex, a homosexual relationship, genderbending, male pregnancy, children of canon characters

**Words in Chapter 1: **5003

It's Naruto's birthday tomorrow, but it's already tomorrow in Japan so it counts! It's been a long time since I've posted anything, mostly because I've been having issues finishing anything I'm working on, but I've had this in mind for a while, quietly stewing and brewing and building, so I figured it's about time I offered something up. A little bit of an unusual present for Naruto, but I can control my muse no more than a speck of dust controls the wind.

Let me try to pre-emptively answer some questions I'm sure you guys have. No, the story's protagonist will not be Sasuke and Naruto's child. No, I haven't written any hetero sex scenes. No, there will not be any explicit sexual scenes unless they're absolutely necessary. (Trust me, it's hard not to write smut when the whole premise revolves around it.) Yes, this will be a multichapter story. No, I don't plan on it being anywhere near as long as Two Face.

Then again, Two Face is about twenty times longer than I expected, so I'm going to keep my trap shut.

If mpreg and/or genderbending are things that bothers you, you shouldn't read this. Otherwise, keep an open mind and I hope you enjoy the story.

* * *

><p>"Naruto…"<p>

Naruto's eyes roved across the street, following an hourglass figure. He soaked in the supple, sensual hills and valleys, a subtle bust and lean hips framing the concave shape of her waist, sleek legs, slender arms, a soft face. Her hair shone with a tinge of blue in the summer sun; her skin was flawless and sun-kissed, her eyes dark, her lashes long. She noticed his gaze and smiled his way, and he sent her a brilliant smile back, body coursing with fire.

"Naruto!"

A sharp smack on the head made him flinch and whip around. "Ow! What the—"

He stopped mid-sentence when his wide blue eyes met narrowed grey ones, full of a cold fury that would send the bravest ninja cowering in a tree.

"_We need to talk_," said Sasuke, enunciating every word.

—

"I'm sorry," said Naruto meekly, for about the tenth time in the past half hour. "I really am."

"Of all the stupid things – I mean, really, Naruto!" Sasuke paced back and forth in their living room, seething. "I'm standing right beside you, in public, and we're fucking _holding hands _and everything—"

"I'm sorry, Sasuke!" Naruto wailed. "It's just that since your injury we haven't had sex at all, and that's weeks, Sasuke, and you know what my cycles are like with Kyuubi and we've been together for years and you know I'm bisexual and I just can't help myself sometimes!"

"Yeah, and _you_ know how possessive I get," Sasuke snapped right back. "You know I hate when anyone so much as looks at you like that, and trust me, it happens a _lot_. I just – sometimes it doesn't feel like we're dating at all, you know? It's like we're just friends again, friends with fucking benefits and there's nothing like loyalty or a romantic day out and we're just, I dunno, hanging out or something, and you're off picking up chicks and there I am tagging along like I'm your shadow, or maybe I'm the magnet 'cause two hot guys are obviously better than one and if they can't have me they may as well have you."

"Babe, you _know_ I'm not about to go off with anyone else. I chased you for three years just to bring you home, and then another three trying to get you to go out with me." Naruto got up off the couch. As Sasuke made another pass, Naruto grabbed his arm, pulling him short. He held both Sasuke's hands firmly in his own, looking into his eyes. "You're the only one for me, Sasuke. I swear."

"But you're not satisfied," Sasuke muttered, brow furrowing.

Naruto leaned forward and kissed Sasuke between the eyes, and Sasuke's muscles relaxed immediately. "I'm sorry, Sasuke. I know how hard you're trying. You don't have to hold my hand in public if it makes you uncomfortable."

"That's not the point. I don't like you making eyes at people, especially girls. If public displays of affection ward them off, then all the better. You're mine," he murmured, his lips tickling Naruto's ear.

Naruto smiled, slipping his arms around Sasuke. He slid his hands over Sasuke's broad shoulders, his muscular chest, his sturdy torso, his angular hips. But Sasuke pushed him off, glaring at him with accusing eyes.

"Don't touch me like I'm not what you want," said Sasuke, bitterness edging his voice. "Don't think I can't tell."

Naruto looked at him sadly, guiltily, but he couldn't honestly tell Sasuke he was all Naruto wanted. He wanted soft curves and a feminine touch, and it killed him to admit it to himself.

"Go out tonight," said Sasuke quietly, turning away. "Go to the Stoneheads club or something. Satisfy yourself. I give you permission."

Naruto's mind reeled. "What? But – Sasuke! You can't—"

"I can do whatever I want," Sasuke hissed. "If it's a woman you want, go find one. I'll… I'll be here."

"I can't."

"Why not? I'm letting you. I won't do a thing to stop you or her. Just go."

"No, I can't, Sasuke—"

"Go and fuck a damn girl already!" Sasuke roared, whipping around. Naruto drew back, startled by the tears not in Sasuke's eyes, but in the sound of his voice, in the way the words stuck in his throat.

But Naruto shook his head. "Listen to me, Sasuke." He stepped closer, folded Sasuke into his embrace, and Sasuke made no effort to escape. Naruto gently stroked the back of Sasuke's head, pressed his lips against Sasuke's temple. "I won't have anyone but you. If I have to give up my lesser desires, so be it. You know I'd sacrifice anything for you."

"I don't want you to be unhappy," Sasuke mumbled.

"I'm not unhappy. I must be the happiest man alive, with you in my arms."

Sasuke heaved a deep sigh. "Now you're making _me _feel bad, withholding things from you. I just…" He held Naruto's face in between his hands, thumbs tracing whisker scars. "You're so friendly, so charismatic, Naruto, and the village loves you. Girls and guys alike would fall at your feet, would line up to have you. I feel unbelievably lucky. I feel like I should have said yes so much sooner. Jealous and selfish and cynical, I feel unworthy."

"How many times have we been over this?" asked Naruto with a gentle exasperation, a soft smile. "I'm just as selfish as you, dragging you back to Konoha when you had your own things to do. But you're worth every effort. What would my life be without you?"

"A hopeless mess."

"Exactly. And who else would bother to clean up after me?"

"Sakura, probably. Sai might."

"Sakura's married. Sai is too deprecating. He's an entirely different variation of dickish asshole than you."

"Your logic makes no sense," said Sasuke, but he was smiling.

"I know. When do you heal up?"

"I'm going back to the hospital next Friday and that should be it."

"Good." Naruto grabbed Sasuke's shoulders and pulled him into a deep kiss. "Next Friday, we're fucking. No excuses."

"I look forward to it," Sasuke smirked.

—

Unfortunately, things didn't go quite as planned. On Tuesday morning, Sasuke got called in for an extended mission. The team expected to be back by Saturday, but Naruto knew by now not to trust in estimated mission completion dates at their level.

Sure enough, Saturday came and went and Sasuke didn't turn up. Naruto spent the day lounging around the apartment, waiting into the dark hours of Sunday morning, until he finally fell asleep on the couch. When he awoke sometime past noon he was sore and starving and there was still no Sasuke. By Monday, Naruto had his own missions to get on with and really needed to stock up the fridge too, or Sasuke would kill him, he knew. He lingered as long as he could and ended up late for his meeting, but Sasuke never showed up anyway.

Naruto was exhausted and listless by the time he got home that evening, just before midnight. The meeting had been a gruelling one, the mission little better – not to mention that he'd been surrounded by beautiful, supple women who kept flirting with him, heedless of his insistence that he was committed, and to a man at that – and he hadn't even had a chance to get groceries. Tomorrow didn't look much better. It was just a miracle he was allowed home for the night. Not that it would matter anyway, because Sasuke wouldn't be there.

As he stepped into his flat and shut the door after him, he heard the sound of running water. His thoughts leapt immediately to Sasuke. He kicked off his sandals and shucked his sweater, then headed for the sound, silencing his steps and masking his chakra signature in the hopes of surprising his boyfriend. He rounded the corner into the kitchen doorway and saw, washing dishes at the sink, back to him—

A woman.

Naruto, caught by surprise with one foot in the air, completely forgot about the squeaky floorboard just in front of the doorway. It creaked as he regained balance. The woman turned her head, saw him, and shut off the water, drying her hands with a towel before approaching.

"Welcome home," she said.

"Uh – I – wha?" Naruto blinked, confused and entranced. She was utterly gorgeous – her sleek, black, layered hair was long and flared around her like the plumage of a beautiful bird; her skin was pale as moonlight, her eyelashes fine and long, her grey eyes as clear as the sky. A low V-neck revealed the sharp relief of her collarbone and the shadow between her ample breasts, offset by a narrow waist and curvy hips. In the heat of the summer she wore a sleeveless shirt that exposed a sliver of her stomach, and almost sinfully short shorts that hugged her figure like they couldn't be happier to be snug against her. Frankly Naruto was jealous.

The woman sighed, rolled her eyes. "Go figure. My own boyfriend can't recognize me."

"I'm not – you're not my girlfriend," he said quietly, but something was nagging at the back of his mind. "I'm in a relationship with a man. Who are you and how'd you get in?"

"My god." The woman stalked up to him. She was almost exactly the same height, and now so close that Naruto could have counted her eyelashes. "I know you're dense, blockhead, but you're also the inventor of that idiotic sexy transformation jutsu everyone's been using lately."

"You're using the sexy jutsu?" It explained why she was so… well, sexy. It was hard to come by a girl like that. It also explained the flare of chakra he'd been sensing. The thing was, the chakra signature wasn't unfamiliar at all. In fact, it felt just like—

Wait a second.

"Sasuke?"

"And the light flicks on." Sasuke rolled his – her – eyes and brushed past Naruto to the living room. Naruto, dazed, watched as his boyfriend – girlfriend? – walked to the couch, hips swaying, and sat down. She had a rather different demeanour from when she was male. Sasuke wasn't usually one to sprawl or laze or flop like Naruto, but the female version of him seemed even more poised. More uptight. Naruto wasn't sure whether he was going to like that.

"So, uh, Sasuke," Naruto began, still standing awkwardly by the kitchen doorway, "I… well, welcome home, I guess. A week is a long time, but I mean… why are you a girl?"

"Because you wanted one." Sasuke looked him in the eye, piercing him with a stare Naruto knew all too well. "If it's a girl you want, it's a girl you're going to get."

Naruto said nothing, taking this in. It was clear he hadn't quite put two and two together yet. Sasuke sighed. Why'd he have to be dating such a colossal moron?

"I swear everyone and their father has been incorporating transformations into their strategies now," Sasuke muttered, "and half the time it's the sexy one. Frankly I'm disappointed at the state of our society. If you can catch a ninja off guard in the middle of a battle by showing a little thigh—"

"Who've you been showing your thighs to?" Naruto exclaimed, then realized how ridiculous this sounded.

"I'm not showing my thighs to anyone, moron. I won't be transforming into a woman for anyone, tactic or not."

"But you're a woman now."

"I'm… making an exception." Sasuke sounded loath to admit it.

Naruto couldn't help a smile. Sasuke rarely ever outright admitted these kinds of things, and Naruto knew how much pride his boyfriend had, how strong his sense of self was. Sasuke wasn't one for public displays and fanfare, and he was especially reluctant to offer his body to anyone other than Naruto, after all the girls' stares he'd endured growing up. Sasuke could be ridiculously prudish despite how perverted he tended to be, and if he wasn't comfortable with his own body he definitely wouldn't be comfortable having others see it. Naruto doubted Sasuke was particularly cosy right now, sitting in an entirely different body, even if it was in the comfort of their own home and with the one person he trusted more than anyone. Naruto felt a bit guilty for goading Sasuke into this, even if it hadn't been his intention. In fact, he hadn't even considered the transformation jutsu. If Sasuke had transformed into a girl because Naruto had been griping about wanting to do a girl, then…

"Wait, Sasuke, does that mean you want me to do you as a girl?" asked Naruto, whipping around.

"No," Sasuke snapped at once, and then paused. "Maybe. I mean – sex might be going a bit far…"

"…Then what's the point?"

Sasuke whacked Naruto on the head. "The point, dunce, is that I'm making an effort to accommodate your selfish whims, and all you can think about is putting your dick in—"

"Whoa, whoa, Sasuke." Naruto held up his hands. "I know. I know you're doing this for me, and I appreciate it, I really do. But I mean, if I didn't want a female body, there wouldn't be any point in you changing, right?"

"Right, of course," said Sasuke, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Stupid me, to assume that you'd just, I dunno, grope me or something, and that would be enough."

"That does seem a little short-sighted of you," he admitted. "I mean, considering we're guys – well, usually – and half the time you're even hornier than I am."

"Yeah, funny thing. I have this uncontrollable urge to fuck you, but only if it involves me sticking _my _dick into _you_. And I don't even have a dick right now."

Sasuke stood and stalked off; Naruto couldn't help noticing the swaying hips and bouncing hair. He quickly got up and followed, catching up to Sasuke halfway down the hall, grabbing the now-female around the waist and pulling her in close. He pressed his face against her neck. She still smelled like Sasuke. It was a little confusing, smelling Sasuke but having a woman in his arms; nonetheless he was comforted by Sasuke's unmistakable chakra signature.

"I'll let you do Naruko first if you want," Naruto suggested. "Then when I do – uh, what would I call her? Sasuko? – then we'd be even."

"It isn't about getting even, Naruto," Sasuke said with an exasperated sigh. "You know I'm completely homosexual. Like, Kinsey 6 homosexual. I wouldn't 'do Naruko' if she raped me."

"Don't you mean 'unless'?"

"No."

"Oh."

Sasuke made to remove himself from Naruto's embrace, but Naruto just held him tighter. His hands slid down the supple arcs of Sasuke's waist, up a flat, soft stomach, across the ridge of the collarbone, over generous breasts. Naruto smiled against Sasuke's neck, and Sasuke gave in.

"Fine, you can do me, or whatever it is you want. Anything. Just for tonight."

But to Sasuke's surprise, Naruto faltered. "Are you sure?"

"You're the one who wanted this," said Sasuke, looking at him dubiously.

"I know, but… I just want to be certain you're sure about this."

"What's there not to be sure about?"

"Lots. Trust me." Naruto spun Sasuke around in his arms and took Sasuke's hand. It was so soft, so delicate. The transformation seemed to have smoothed out the calluses and blisters of their line of work. "Being the opposite gender is hard."

"I know that. I've been waiting for you for hours. I've only been indoors and I already know how much of a pain it is."

"Having sex as a girl is especially hard," said Naruto wisely, "if you've never done it before. I mean, everything's different down there, Sasuke. It should all work, if you've done the jutsu properly, but—"

"Remind me why you know all this?" Sasuke prompted, raising a thin eyebrow.

"What, you never heard about Naruko?"

"What about her? She's your female transformation."

"I can't believe I've never told you. Or that you didn't hear it from anyone else." Naruto grinned mischievously. "It was in the years between you coming back and agreeing to go out with me. When being a guy wasn't enough, I turned into Naruko, had a one-night stand with a guy or a girl or whoever, and then disappeared into my usual self. Mystified everyone, it did. She was the ultimate elusive sexy girl, the one everyone wanted but no one could find, because she literally didn't exist most of the time. I guess you could say I got a bit experimental during those years. I might be more pansexual than bisexual, really."

"So basically you'll fuck anything that's human." Sasuke's eyes rolled towards the ceiling. "Great. I'm in competition with the whole population."

"You've already won the competition, Sasuke." Naruto smiled. "Really, though. I want you to be sure you want this. Gender experimentation is fun, but it's not for everyone. You never struck me as too insecure about it."

"Funny, because I wouldn't have called you 'insecure' either. Curious, perhaps."

"Definitely. But I'm over that now. I know what I like and what I want, and more than anything else that's you."

"Right. But say you wanted something I couldn't give you. And then I realized there was a way I could."

"Is it going to make you happy?" asked Naruto.

"Only if it makes you happy too," Sasuke replied.

Naruto dissolved into a brilliant smile. He leaned in and kissed Sasuke. It was strange – he knew the movements and the taste, but the shape of Sasuke's lips was entirely different. His roaming hands found curves where he'd once known angles; he felt the soft outlines of Sasuke's sides, Sasuke's back, and he sighed in contentment. He pressed closer, then paused. Sasuke noticed this and pulled back.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," said Naruto, but his tone was hesitant. "It's just… um… this is going to sound weird, but can you actually make your boobs _smaller_?"

"…Really."

"Yes, really! I'm not actually all that fond of huge tits and asses. I'm not saying I like my girls flat and androgynous, but… can you make it more of a B-C instead of a D?"

Sasuke stared at him, deadpan. "You think I know cup sizes."

"Well…"

"Naruto, I have never once felt any sexual attraction to a woman. You think I know cup sizes?"

"Just… shrink them a bit, I'm sure it'll be fine."

Sasuke sighed and made a hand sign, and the female figure in front of Naruto slowly diminished, becoming a little more petite.

"Perfect." Naruto grinned. "Now let's do something about those clothes."

In the end, they only had a couple of rounds. Sasuke did end up admitting he'd enjoyed it, though he immediately followed this up by making sure Naruto was aware that it wasn't nearly as nice as doing it as a guy. Naruto just shrugged and reassured Sasuke that it was always better in your own body, and told him he was glad Sasuke had at least given it a chance. That night Naruto slept with the soft form of female Sasuke curled up against him, and they never talked about it again.

—

"I'm home," Naruto called, shutting the door behind him. He pulled off his sandals and went down the hall to where the bedroom door was ajar. He poked his head in and whispered, "Sasuke?"

"Still here," Sasuke murmured.

Naruto crept into the room and sat on the edge of the bed, next to where Sasuke was lying, cheeks flushed. "How are you feeling?" he asked gently. "Have you eaten?"

"No, too nauseous. I threw up this morning, so I gave food a miss." Sasuke winced. "The cramps are getting worse, actually."

Naruto pressed the back of his hand to Sasuke's forehead. It wasn't ridiculously hot, but Naruto could never be sure anyway. "You should eat something, Sasuke. You need your strength to recover."

"What's the point if it just comes back up?"

"I just – I don't know, Sasuke," he said, sounding worried. "It doesn't seem like a regular fever. Do you have enough strength to go to the hospital? Sakura would be much better at this than me. Or I'll ask her to come over."

"I can manage," said Sasuke.

"No, I'll go get her. You should stay here."

"Naruto, I've been bedridden for days. I'm sick of being stuck at home." Slowly he sat up; Naruto quickly moved to help him, but it seemed painful. By the time he was upright, Sasuke was already worn out. He sighed and allowed himself to lean against Naruto, who put an arm around him and rubbed his back. Sasuke rarely relied on anyone for anything, but it seemed this mysterious illness had fatigued even him. "I don't know. I'm just so tired, and everything hurts. And the bed rest doesn't seem to be doing anything."

"Well, at least you're not making it worse. I'll go get Sakura, okay? She'll know what to do."

"Mm."

"Anything you want me to do for you before I go?"

"Just… stay here for a bit," said Sasuke. He flopped back in bed and closed his eyes; Naruto pulled the blanket up to Sasuke's chin. Sasuke's hand snuck out from under the covers. His fingertips brushed Naruto's, and Naruto immediately took Sasuke's hand in his, squeezing it. He stayed with Sasuke until Sasuke's chakra faded into unconsciousness, then tucked Sasuke's hand back under the blanket, pressed the lightest of kisses to his lips, then left to find Sakura.

He ran into her leaving the hospital for the day, tugging an elastic out of her lengthening hair. She looked tired, but smiled when she spotted him.

"Oh, Naruto. How are you?"

"Personally I'm fine," Naruto replied. Sakura picked up on the tone of his voice and frowned.

"What's up?"

He bit his lip. "Sasuke's been ill for – for weeks now, and he hasn't gotten any better, and I'm really worried."

"Weeks?" Sakura frowned. She immediately set off back towards Naruto's flat; Naruto had to run and catch up. "What are the symptoms?"

"Well, it seems like a fever for the most part," Naruto said, already feeling reassured. Sakura was smart; she knew a lot of things about illnesses. She would know what to do. "He's a lot warmer than usual, and he tends to get nauseous a lot. He's always tired. And he's in pain – headaches, back aches, cramps. I can barely get him to eat half the time."

"It sounds familiar," said Sakura, "but I'll have to look at him."

Naruto nodded gratefully. "I'm sorry for having to find you right after you're done with work."

"Don't worry about it. You know there's no way I'd leave either of you ill and uncured unless I was incapacitated myself. Anyway, if it's been weeks like you say, this could be fairly urgent. A fever is the kind of thing that cures itself over time, but being sick for this long might be dangerous."

"Don't say that," Naruto said. "Please."

"He'll be fine. Don't worry." She smiled. "It's touching how much you care about him."

"Well I'm sure it's mutual. He just doesn't like to admit it. Though he's getting better," said Naruto with a bit of a grin. "At least he tells me sometimes. I don't know that he'd talk to anyone else about it, though."

"No, he probably wouldn't," Sakura agreed with a smirk.

Naruto hesitated. "I was thinking of – well, I'm saving up and stuff, and it might be a while, but – I mean, it's going to take a lot of thought and I'm not _certain_, but I'm pretty sure—"

"Just spit it out."

"I want to propose to him," said Naruto in a rush.

Sakura beamed. "Definitely. He'd say yes for sure."

"Unless his autonomy and dominance feel offended." Naruto rolled his eyes. "But I doubt he'd make the first move anyway."

"No, well, he never does in the end, does he?"

"Only if I complain about something. Then sometimes he'll just turn up and do it without having told me in the first place." Naruto paused, unsure of whether or not to continue. He knew what event he was thinking of, but no way was he going to tell Sakura about it. He just had to keep it vague. "I mean, half the time I'm not even saying I want this thing to happen; I just like to comment on it sometimes, you know? And then bam. Not that I'm complaining about that. It's kind of nice. I just wish he'd talk to me more, about what_ he_ wants."

"I can't help noticing he can be a bit passive-aggressive about it himself. I mean, take that time you told me about, a couple of months ago, when he got mad at you for staring at girls. Which he's totally entitled to do, by the way," Sakura added, misreading the apprehensive look on Naruto's face. "But you know how they say an elderly couple will act just like each other? It's because they've spent so long together they know each other inside and out. You guys are just reaching that level much sooner. Even if you're not doing it on purpose, you might be picking up the offhand complaining thing from Sasuke. Now you have to learn to pick up on the bit where you comply with what he wants but isn't willing to ask you for."

"Oh, no, I'm good at that," Naruto reassured her. "I just wish he'd admit it."

"Well, he could stand to swallow his pride sometimes," Sakura allowed. But they were both smiling.

The smiles faded when they reached the apartment. Naruto let them in, suddenly becoming almost stealthy, as though afraid of alarming Sasuke with a sudden appearance. Sakura had to admit it was something of a relief compared to the usual boisterous, disruptive, always-barging-in Naruto she'd grown up with. Living with Sasuke seemed to have mellowed him out a bit. Sasuke, on the other hand, appeared to have learned how to relax and have fun now and then. Naruto frequently quoted their reportedly varied sex life as the reason, to the point where he'd complain how perverted Sasuke could get. All in all Sakura thought it was a good, mutually beneficial relationship. Goodness only knew those boys needed all the help they could get.

"Sasuke?" Naruto peeked into the bedroom. To his alarm, the covers had been tossed aside and the room was empty. Panicking now, he wrenched the door open. "Sasuke? Where are you?"

"Over here, dumbass," called a voice down the hall. Naruto whipped around and ran out to the kitchen. There was Sasuke, popping a pickled plum into his mouth.

Naruto paused. "Uh…"

"What?"

"Why are you eating ume?" asked Sakura, confused.

Sasuke shrugged, spat out the pit, and grabbed another one from the jar. "Random craving."

"Are you… feeling okay?" Naruto said hesitantly.

"Not really. Actually, I guess I shouldn't be eating things with high vinegar content, with the nausea. But I threw up just now, and then I had a sudden urge to eat them." He said it like it was no big deal.

"But… you hate ume," said Naruto. "Those are _mine_."

"I changed my mind, okay?" Sasuke snapped, irritated. "I'll pay you back if you care that much."

"No, it's fine. I'm just kind of confused."

Sakura was frowning, but she said, "Well, never mind. Sasuke, I can do a basic check-up from here, but from Naruto describing the symptoms I don't think we'll deduct much without a more detailed look, which we'd have to do in the hospital. Are you well enough to go?"

Sasuke nodded, though he looked weary. "I'll manage. I may not feel terribly good about it, but then I haven't been feeling too well here, so it won't make much of a difference."

"Right. Well, sit down for now, and I'll try some things."

Sasuke grabbed a chair from the dinner table, as did the other two. Sakura asked Sasuke questions, looked down his throat, felt his forehead, got him to stretch. She then summoned a handful of green chakra and began to pass it over Sasuke, scanning for any anomalies. Naruto watched nervously as her expression went from confusion to surprise to bewilderment. Finally she dispelled the chakra with a sigh.

"This is going to need a check with proper equipment," she told them. "I'm getting some very strange signals."

"Like what?" asked Naruto at once.

Sakura looked at him in some amusement; he seemed more worried than Sasuke himself. "Let's just say the signs point to something that shouldn't be happening to men. But I'm sure we'll find an explanation for it. Come on."

—

Naruto sat impatiently in the waiting room while Sasuke was examined more closely in one of the offices. It took a long time – hours – and at one point Sakura called for two of her colleagues to come in as well. It was all getting on Naruto's nerves. What could possibly be wrong with Sasuke? Why was it such a big deal? What could it be, to look like something that ought not to happen to men? What was that something, anyway? Was Sasuke going to die? He would be alright, wouldn't he?

At last, by the time the horizon had turned orange, the door opened and Sakura came out, still looking befuddled and rather pale. "Come inside," she said. "I think you should probably both hear this together."

Naruto stood up immediately and hurried into the room to sit on the edge of Sasuke's bed. Sasuke looked apprehensive – apparently they hadn't told him either. Sakura closed the door behind them after the other two doctors had left, then picked up the clipboard where she'd been taking notes, carefully looking it over once more.

"Well?" Naruto's tone couldn't have been more urgent. "What is it?"

"I – you're not going to believe this," she said quietly. "It doesn't make sense, but it's got to be true. Sasuke… you're pregnant."

* * *

><p>Let's pretend Kinsey exists in this world because I'm lazy. Kinsey is a scale that basically ranks a person's sexuality, from 0 being completely heterosexual to 6 being completely homosexual. It only measures within binary sexual preference and doesn't account for gender identity or one's own biological sex. Sasuke identifies himself as a Kinsey 6, which I'd debated being a 5 but he's kind of snobbish so why the heck not. Naruto might rate a 3 for "bisexual," but I think he'd be more pansexual (meaning he could be attracted to anyone regardless of biological sex or gender identity), which doesn't show up on the scale.<p>

I think the hardest part of writing Sasuke as a girl was trying to decide which pronouns to use (i.e. him/her). Most of the time I just did my best to avoid using them at all, and continued writing him as if he were his usual male self. That gets me into a rather interesting point regarding sexuality, because it's much more than just who you're into. It also involves your biological sex and your gender identity. These three things can all be different, and so I think that even if Sasuke is in a female form (and therefore male-to-female transgendered) he'd still identify as male, making it hard to choose which pronouns are the most appropriate. As the story's told in Naruto's point of view, it really depends on him. And despite being a self-declared pansexual and having experimented as a trans, I think Naruto's probably a little clueless about all this. He'd still just default to calling "Sasuko" female. He'd call Naruko female, despite still being male on the… er… inside? I kind of view Naruko as a separate entity to Naruto, an alter ego with a different life. She becomes a separate person, so Naruto refers to her as one.

In other news, because FF dot net has no sort of journal system I can alert you guys with (grumble grumble I wrote an email to support about this; if you could too that would be great. I'd love to see some much-needed system enhancement around here), I've started up my blog! Complications arose, but I have compromised and you can now find me at rambleravenfanficfox DOT blogspot DOT com. If I mysteriously vanish from FF dot net for some reason, that's where you'll be able to contact me. I've only written one post so far, but if you guys nag me about the kinds of things you'd like to hear me rant about I'd appreciate it. I'm not yet accustomed to writing blogs and articles; if you read my author's notes (which I assume you're doing now… right?) you'll notice I have a tendency to just blather on. I might post such things as my brainstorming documents for various stories, and I definitely want to show at least a fraction of the behind-the-scenes work of Two Face. Maybe my supposed epilogue, which I refuse to post here. Things on the cutting room floor might crop up at RRFF too. Lots of excitement to come! Probably! Hopefully! Annoy me lots about it!

R+F


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